Let’s talk a moment about the importance of having goals and dreams and why they are similar and yet different.
Every year you hear people talk about the importance of setting New Year’s Resolutions or commit to the various hypes each month like “No Shave November” or “Dry January”, but what is the purpose of these things? Why are people so inclined to jump on these crazes even though the rest of the year or even the next week sometimes, they are not doing it. Even religiously you can think of Lent; this is a temporary behavior or restriction that afterwards, you may or might not ever do again.
Our brains are predisposed to thinking in terms of accomplishments and achievements. Think about it, when you were a kid, and you first went potty on the potty, what if no one told you “good job”? What if you never got a sticker or reward for it? What if it really wasn’t a big deal? Or, what about when you learned how to walk, what if no one cared or seemed to care? These are two very early levels of accomplishment, so let’s think a little older. What if while you were learning to read no one ever congratulated you? You never got a gold star or a plus in school and no one really noticed you reading. Do you think you would have kept trying? What about riding your bike? If your friends and your parents didn’t care or at least say they cared, would you have kept trying even though you were falling? The answer to all of this is NO! There is no way that you would keep going if you didn’t get recognition for them.
Let’s fast forward.
At some point in school, for some people it was middle school, for others it was high school and even other it was college! But, during school, at one point or another, we stopped getting praise and recognition for doing things that are bettering our life in some aspect. Think about it, when was the last time someone gave you a high five for doing the laundry or getting your dishes done. Who was the last person to be proud of you for making the bed? When you turned in that last written report, did you get to go home and show your parents the awesome comments your superior gave you? It’s pretty sad when you think about it.
As adults, we are often plagued by the feeling of “im not good enough” or “i can’t do this” and we do our best to prove ourselves wrong but when we are the only person who seems to care, it gets tiring and not really worth it after a while. (Well this sure got depressing) That is where making goals and dreams come in.
When we make a goal, we are setting ourselves up for praise and a sense of achievement. We are generally sharing that goal with at least one other person and we are committing to getting it done. When we make New Year’s resolutions and share them with family and/or friends, we are giving them permission to lavish you with praise upon completion. There are smaller goals that maybe only get a few Like’s on Facebook and then there are much larger goals that warrant a celebration! Regardless of the size of the response, we get recognition for our accomplishment when we make a goal. And, the goals that we stick with are the ones that we know are going to garner more praise. If you had to choose between not eating cake every night before bed or fitting into that new outfit you got; which are you going to choose? Probably the second one because you are going to be able to show off that new outfit. Even though the first one could get you into that new outfit just like the second one, it is going to be hard to get someone to say “congratulations, you didn’t eat cake every night before bed.” Even though that is huge, please don’t eat cake every night before bed and if you were and you stopped, WAY TO GO!!!
My point is, that the way that our brain measures accomplishment tends to be through external validation of some sort. Now, this is a general statement and there are people who thrive off of feeling better, but GENERALLY speaking, the brain needs to know it is doing something well through some sort of stimulation. (Side note, the brain only knows what is going on through sensory input and not our basic thoughts. The brain takes all of our senses and turns them into an interpretation which is why our dreams are sometimes a little weird and why recall is not 100% accurate).
Anywho! So, what about dreams? I am not talking about sleeping dreams (I was a moment ago though), I am talking about BIG DREAMS!!!! You know, those things that are too big for us right now but keep us moving forward day by day. You know, “Being debt free”, “ Buying a house”, “Getting married”, “Traveling around the world”, “Writing a book”, those things. They are a little bigger than a few steps toward accomplishment. Why are these important do you think?
Well for one thing, they give you something to look forward to. As an adult, we are often caught up in the cycle of sleep-work-sleep for five days followed by two days of catching up on everything not work related followed by the sleep-work-sleep cycle again. This…. is…. daunting. To think that for the rest of your life, until you retire, this is what you have to look forward to isn’t a lot of motivation. Now, throw in something big as a purpose for the cycle and it doesn’t seem so bad! It breaks up the monotony!
What about the people who seem to get what they want ALL the time? Well good for them! They too have goals and dreams that continue to get bigger with each success. That is a good thing. How about the people who just can’t seem to get a win? For those people, their dreams remain but their goals change and adapt to what fits their life at the current moment. Never give up, just make modifications so that you can succeed.
So, the moral of the story, celebrate your successes regardless of the size. Share your wins with anyone; post them on social media, text a friend, don’t limit yourself by what you think other people want to hear or what you think is the “right way” to do things. Practice doing something because you want to do it. Make mistakes, it’s ok; that is the only way you will grow. Nobody and nothing is perfect! That is what keeps life interesting.
Keep Living!!!