Growing up, I knew I would eventually get a job where I needed to travel. However, when it got here, I felt very unprepared. What should I pack? How is transportation going to work? How do I say bye to my kids?
My kids; these two little loves are really where the hardship lies. At the time of this trip, my kids are 9 and 2. I have never been apart from my 2 year old and the longest without my 9 year old was 4 days. I have never stayed anywhere overnight by myself in over 5 years and now I am going to be gone for 6 days, over 3000 miles away and all on my own. 
Part of getting ready to go meant I needed to keep everyone informed. I started by letting everyone know that I was leaving and for how long. I wrote it on calendars and included it in plans. I brought it up when we were talking and never dismissed a questions. What I found most interesting was that my husband appeared more concerned for my departure than my children.
Many people forget that, as adults, we can have dears and concerns. Just in case you didn’t know, we worry too! For us, the concerns were around behaviors rather than basic survival. David wasn’t worried about keeping the children alive; rather, how to keep he and them calm.
Now, why is that such a concern? Well, we have emotionally charged children. There are time when reactions can be traced back to a source and times when there are no identifiable causes. At times, the emotions are easy to identify, label, and navigate through. And, there are times when we feel as clueless as the kids do!
When you start to feel clueless, here is a trick, SAY IT! Model the behavior that you want your kids to have. When you say that you don’t know what to do, you allow your kids to problem solve WITH you. You create a team mentality within the household. With my children, we created a team mentality and were able to plan with them about when I was going to be gone. They knew what was coming up and that is so important.
For us, part of the planning was checking the weather, looking at food, seeing scheduled activities, and making plans for picking me up and dropping me off at the airport. This gives the children a sense of involvement because they are there as the discussions occur. My 2 year old does not have the mental ability to plan or understand this level of thought yet so for her, it was more about the repetition that I was leaving.
The day of departure:
I left late at night (not ideal), I packed with my kids in the room, I asked them questions about what to pack and most importantly, I didn’t get stressed. When I noticed my kids or myself getting stressed, I stopped packing and hung out with them before starting again. I want them to know that I always care, especially while preparing to leave.
When I did leave, my children came to the airport even though it was late. Again, keeping them involved is important. Throughout my trip, I accepted extra calls and message s and spoke through video as often as possible.
Communication is going to be different. Phone calls, texts, videos, they are all going to be random and will not always have a purpose; allow that. This connection is good, random , and good. It is just as important for you to feel connected to your family as it is for them to feel that for you. Don’t feel bad or annoyed at this.
Also, don’t feel bad for overpacking. Bring what you want to feel comfortable. Pack the necessary first and then what you want second. If it helps, make a list of the necessities so you don’t have to think. This can be helpful if you have children and have to keep pausing your packing a number of times.
Remember, you work to provide for you and your family. This trip is not just for you, it is for everyone. It makes sense to feel ambivalent due to the sadness of leaving and the excitement of travel. There will be tears and that is OK. When you do get back, think of the hugs, kisses, and possible more tears that are going to happen.
In the end, I survived and made it back home to a family that also survived. We very quickly fell back into our old routines and it was as if the distance never happened. I am strong and I made strong children. As parents and adults, we need to believe in those around us. Everything will work out!! 
Summary:
DO-
- Pack what you want! (I didn’t do this and really wish I did)
- Involve your family in preparations.
- Communicate, communicate, communicate. (Your family is your partner, children and any other supports that are going to be involved when you leave).
DONT-
- Fell blame, shame or guilt (You are not doing this selfishly. If you get down time, you have earned it)
- Travel in Secret (this is an AWFUL idea nd could create feelings of abandonement in those that you are hiding your travel from)
- Wait until the last minute to talk with the kids (this can really affect levels of trust and readiness for this temporary change).